


Rockin' Balin's Thanksgiving Ballad

by onestepatatime



Series: Rockin' Balin's Holiday Ballads [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen, Specific story characters to be decided by the readers.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-02 17:15:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5256944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onestepatatime/pseuds/onestepatatime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Interested readers were to submit the name of a dwarf from Thorin's Company and a Thanksgiving or Fall Harvest themed song. Littlenori chose Dori and Adam Sandler's The Thanksgiving Song. Ori joins Dori to help him out a bit.</p><p>This story is being posted a day late due to my home's internet outage on the one day that everyone with wifi is closed for Thanksgiving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Littlenori](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlenori/gifts).



> This is based off of Casey Kasem's radio countdown show that used to air on Sunday nights when I was a kid.
> 
> Legal Disclaimer: All trademarks and copyrights are owned by their respective owners. I make no profit from this story.

"This is Rockin' Balin that all of you readers out there are listening to on this chilly, cool November night."

"I don't want to be here, Balin."

"Let's have all of the readers give a big hand in welcome to my guest cohost, the scholarly Ori!"

"Hello. The only reason that I'm here is that Dwalin is outside the sound stage with his axes. He threatened me with great bodily harm if he didn't get them back ASAP, Balin. Neither you nor your brother are very nice lately."

"You are doing great, Ori. You are a much more involved cohost than Dwalin was."

"May I have my pen set back now? I would hate to get Nori involved in this, but..."

"You will get your pen set back after you chose a story response. You don't want to disappoint all of the fans now do you?"

No. Let me see the card, please."

"That's more like it. Let's give Ori a round of applause once again folks."

"We need your input to make this second story in this cool and awesome (What does awesome mean, Balin?) Rockin' Balin series a success. It is only made possible by the responses that you, the readers, want to read. The final story will be gifted to the person that suggests the chosen idea. Please leave a comment below with a character from Thorin's Company and a Thanksgiving or Fall harvest themed song. Please have a generous holiday spirit and help to get my pens back. Again, I'd really hate to involve Nori in this, Balin. This had better work!"

"It will be another great reading show with you as cohost, Ori. You heard him, folks! The chosen character will appear in a story based on the lyrics of the chosen song."

"I refuse to be a cohost ever again, Balin."

"Need I mention to our readers the time that you incorrectly reshelved an elf poetry book written by Thranduil back in with Thorin's favorite action series?"

"Fine. Please help me escape this senile dwarf, readers. Forget the pens, just get him to stop stalking me! It is really beneath your dignity, Balin, I must say. The chosen character will appear in a story based on the lyrics of the chosen song. This had better be posted on Thursday, November 26th, Balin."

"See, that wasn't painful at all, Ori."

"Just humiliating, very humiliating."

"You are an awesome cohost, Ori."

"It will be painful for you if I don't get my pens back and Dori has to get involved. He will get involved if this "awesome" term means anything bawdy."

"Hardly! This story is rated General. That's it once again for tonight's show, cool cat readers. Tune in for the next edition of Rockin' Balin's Thanksgiving Ballad when Ori and I chose and post the story that an awesome cool cat reader has requested."

"Help me to get my pens back, readers. A regular quill is just not the same, Balin. As a scribe you should surely underst..."

"A little blackmail motivation never hurt anyone, Ori. Until next week, this is Rockin' Balin signing off."

"This is Ori signing off as I go to find Nori AND Dori."


	2. Dori Presents "The Thanksgiving Song"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Littlenori suggested Dori and Adam Sandler's The Thanksgiving Song.
> 
> Here is the music video written and performed by Adam Sandler:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bH0rULAHEg
> 
> WARNING: The video contains lyrics that I would rate for a mature audience.

“Once again this is Rockin’ Balin that all of your readers are listening to on this turkey filled Thanksgiving Day.”

 “Balin, where are my pens? You were to update the story yesterday!”

 “Let’s all give a round of welcome to my returning guest cohost, Ori! As you know, Ori, technical difficulties prevented the proper day’s posting. Please play along in your role.”

 “Happy Turkey Day everyone, to everyone except those like me who are allergic to turkey. I prefer a good glazed ham myself. Now about the pens, Balin?”

 “I gave your pens to Bifur. Whose suggestion have you chosen, Ori? I’m certain that all of our readers are caught up in the suspense.”

“That's an Ithildin pen set, Balin!”

“You were saying your choice is what, Ori?”

“There's no way that I can get my pen set back without returning Bifur’s boar spear. He will rip my head off!”

“That’s right, readers. Bifur will be my guest cohost for the Christmas edition of Rockin’ Balin’s Ballads.”

“Balin!”

“Your choice please, Ori.”

“Littlenori was the only one to make a suggestion, again. Really, Balin, I don’t see the logic in your continuing this fiasco that lets you steal all of our stuff.”

“You heard Ori’s choice, folks! Without further ado, as Dwalin would say…”

“He had a lot more to say when he threatened me! You’ll be hearing from Nori, Balin.”

“Without further ado, here is Dori in The Thanksgiving Song, written and performed by Adam Sandler.”

 ----

“What am I doing here?” Dori looked around outside of the soundstage. “Bilbo, I’m not scheduled to be on the Sealed in Amber set until next Tuesday.”

“Here is your guitar and the song lyrics. Ori chose you for Balin’s wretched show.” Bilbo and his clipboard disappeared in a blur as Dori was shoved inside the building. The door shut with an ominous locking sound.

“Oh, dear. I play the flute, not the guitar! Bilbo. Bilbo!” Dori banged on the door; it was locked.

“Ok, I’ll have to make the best of the situation.” Dori sigh and continued on in.

 ----

“Hello.” Dori sat himself down on a chair set up on stage. “ _They wanna hear the Thanksgiving song! All right.._.”

Dori picked up the guitar and sets the lyrics on the waiting music stand. “ _This is uhh, This is the Thanksgiving Song. I hope you enjoy it_."  
  
“ _Love to eat turkey. Love to eat turkey_.” Dori strummed a successful thrum sound or two.  
  
_[Shout from Crowd:]_ “You're supposed to play the guitar, not pick at it like leftovers.”

"Ohhh, dear!" Dori turned red but kept up his one successful strumming sound.

“ _Love to eat turkey 'cause it's good. Love to eat turkey Like a good boy should._ That is so true. Did you know how hard it is to get Ori to eat his greens? Impossible. Why, I remember in Rivendell…”

 _[Shout from Crowd:]_ “Boo! Just sing the song, will ya?”

“There you are, Dori.” Ori appeared on stage out of breath.

“You play this thing! We’ll talk later on you getting me me mixed up in Balin’s mischief, Ori.” Dori set Ori down and began to sing again as he glared at the booing audience member.

“ _Cause it's turkey to eat. So good_. Unlike you, you ill- mannered…”

“Dori! _Turkey for me. Turkey for you. Let's eat the turkey in my big brown shoe._ ” Ori didn’t know if Dori was more shocked from Ori’s being able to play the guitar or his suggestion of eating in a shoe. Probably both. Blast it, Balin!

“ _Love to eat the turkey at the table. I once saw a movie with Betty Grable._ ” Dori scratched his head. “Who is Betty Grable?”

“She was a major Hollywood star in the 30’s and 40’s.” Ori whispered.

 _[Shout from Crowd:]_ “The broad with legs insured for a million dollars.”

“Which 30’s and 40’s?” Dori ignored the booing miscreant in the front row.

“ _Eat that turkey all night long. Fifty million Elvis fans can't be wrong._ Who is Elvis?” Dori ignored Ori’s grimace but not the heckler.

 _[Shout from Crowd:]_ “Have you been living under a rock? Where’d they get this guy?”

“I live in a mountain, thank you very much.” Dori huffed. “ _Turkey lurkey doo and_ …What is a lurkey?”

“Dori, just keep singing, before the audience starts throwing Thanksgiving leftovers at us.”

“Fine. I’ll be having a few words with Thorin. _Turkey lurkey dap. I eat that turkey then I take a nap._ I need one right now.”

"Dori! We'll need an infirmary stay if you keep this up."

“ _Thanksgiving is a special night._ How sweet. _Jimmy Walker used to say Dynomite._ What? Never mind. _That's right. Turkey with gravy and cranberry. Can't believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry._ What is a Met? Is a Darryl a type of fruit that Bilbo grows now?”

 _[Shout from Crowd:]_ “Unbelievable, definitely lives under a rock!”

“Dori! _Turkey for you and turkey for me._ Oh, my!” Ori stopped playing with a nasty twang, nearly dropping the guitar. “Too bawdy. Definitely too bawdy.”

“Worse than awesome.” Dori agreed. “Where were we? _White meat, dark meat you just can't lose. I fell off my moped and I got a bruise._ See? I was right to not let Nori get that motorcycle. _Turkey in the oven and the buns in the toaster._ ”

“ _I'll never take down my Cheryl Tiegs poster,_ Dori.” Ori chimed in to chuckles from the crowd.

“ _Wrap the turkey up In aluminum foil._ ” Dori started to glare at Ori, then turned bright red as he snatched the lyrics off of the stand.

“Dori!”

“Keep playing. I’ll sing. Gracious. I do not want to know what Nori’s love life is like, much less sing about it. _Turkey and sweet potato pie. Sammy Davis Jr. only had one eye._ What a shame, though Thrain managed quite well with only one eye himself.”

“Dori!”

“ _Turkey for the girls and turkey for the boys. My favorite kind of pants are corduroys._ I prefer suede leather. In the mountain in winter…”

“Dori!” Ori looked ready to hit his brother over the head with the guitar. “Just finish, will you?”

“You're entirely too impatient, Ori. I recall that you’re the one that chose me for this role. We will talk about your choice in lyrics…”

“Dori!”

“Fine. _Gobble gobble goo and Gobble gobble gickel._ What nonsense is this?”

 _[Shout from Crowd:]_ “Right up your alley, pal, if you don’t know who Elvis is.”

“ _I wish turkey only cost a nickel._ You should always be wary of cheap meat shops. _Oh I love turkey on Thanksgiving._ I always serve ham, you’re allergic to turkey, Ori.  
  
“ _Happy Thanksgiving everybody_! Shut up, Dori!”

\----

“I can’t believe Balin put you up to this, Ori. Disgraceful it is.”

 “I believe that Littlenori chose this song just to rub in the fact that I didn't know that awesome wasn't a bawdy term. And Balin still won’t give me my Ithildin pen set back, Dori.”

“That’s it for tonight’s turkey filled Thanksgiving edition of Rockin’ Balin. All of you cool cats be certain to tune in next edition for my guest host the unpredictable Bifur.”

 “A word if you would, Balin?”

“Until next time, if there is one, folks. This is Rockin’ Balin wishing you a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving.”

“Balin, of all the lyrics, and such an attempt to corrupt my Ori….”

\----


End file.
